1. What part of “Worldwide” don’’t Clients understand? Or maybe one should ask what part of “the Internet” don’t they understand? Perhaps it’s the word “Usage” that so baffles them.

2. “It’’s a global brand, but this commercial is only going out in Spain, so please can you quote me for Internet Usage for Spain only,” one is asked. “350% of the Composition Fee,” you reply sweetly. “No, that’s for Worldwide Internet,” interpolates the Client. “Aaah,” you say, “and you want Spain only.” “Yes,” they say.

3. Fact File: – There are 405 million native Spanish speakers in the world, which is 6.15% of the world’s population, whereas there are only 360 million native English speakers, being 5.43% of the world’s population. And – surprise, surprise – the internet is available worldwide.

4. “350% of the Composition Fee,” you reply, slightly tetchy now. Silence at the other end or maybe some gaspy-snuffly-harrumphy-stylee sound. “Unless, that is, you want to geoblock the commercial, and then that would be the same as the TV Usage you say helpfully. Now, the word “geoblock” appears to send them into some sort of dementia which one can only hope is New Age and cathartic. So in order to bore them into submission you explain, “Geoblocking (or geo-locking) is the system used to limit access to the Internet based on a geographic location. Every computer has a unique numerical identifier known as an IP (internet protocol) address. Each time your computer makes a request to a server for content, its IP address is sent with that request, so that the server knows where to send the requested content. IP addresses are allocated in blocks to internet service providers (ISPs) who in turn allocate them to customers. An IP address can be used to determine a computer’s geographic location. Many databases exist that map IP addresses to countries and these form the basis of the block-lists more commonly known as ‘geoblocks’.” The silence is broken by a sort of “zizzzz” sound.

5. Not only is the internet growing at an enormous rate, but targeting and quantifying one’s customers is ever more sophisticated, which in turn delivers better and better sales and growth patterns than TV can ever achieve. So pull yourself together, clients. No more moaning, it’s cheap at the price, it’s effective and it is … err… WORLDWIDE.